HELP?

I need you guys today, normally I just work through my stuff with my friends and through whatever but I’m really having a bad time.. I’m off of my healthy lifestyle and I’m binging like I’ve never binged before, I’m anxious and tired, school and work are killing my motivation to live, I miss my son whom I barley see, I’m tired of owing people for helping me, I just need a solid day of quiet. All day just silence…. I need something, what can pull me out… I’m just.. Sad.

Oh and not to mention prince charming turned out to be an evil little jerk turd. One of my harshest experiences to date…

Any words of advice ?

First day of class and it has. Been. Interesting.
I am in a group with all boys (bleh) and they so far are half cool and half boy which is to be expected. Its a 5am class so it’s in and out. I know there this day I am mostly worried about eating EVERYTHING.

First day of class and it has. Been. Interesting.
I am in a group with all boys (bleh) and they so far are half cool and half boy which is to be expected. Its a 5am class so it’s in and out. I know there this day I am mostly worried about eating EVERYTHING.

I binged today. 
But that doesn’t erase how far I’ve come. My binging has become more infrequent and I have been really good with my eating habits. This is a lesson, not a setback.

I binged today. 
But that doesn’t erase how far I’ve come. My binging has become more infrequent and I have been really good with my eating habits. This is a lesson, not a setback.

So…

Today has been pure. Chaos.

I was 6 minutes late for work because I fell asleep in my car parked in the parking lott and of course, like always, STILL got in trouble thanks to my favorite peice O shit shift.

ANYWHO… I managed to stay under my calories for today even though this bus ride I’m on to knoxville for child support court is killing my snack craving. Which means I’ll have to keep it light tonight… But this time I’m in it for the long haul!

NO BINGING :0)

Anxiety.. My anxiety leads to binge eating… It took me this long to figure that out…

Anxiety.. My anxiety leads to binge eating… It took me this long to figure that out…

Inteeeeense

Cravings.
Sugar.
I have two more hours until I’m away from temptation and able to be binge free.. Help?

Words.

Thinking back to how I’ve come this far. Why do I have such a problem with weight and criticism and self hatred. It’s amazing how someone can feed you an idea and it can progress into a disease… Some of my past weight related memories..

1. Hollister with my mom and siblings for school shopping. Mom: “you just need to tone up, you need to get rid of your cellulite”.. I was a size 4. A size 4 with the least noticeable amount of cellulite… It was just the damn dressing room lighting.

2. Went to hawaii to live with my dad and when I was flying back to tennessee my dads friend picked me up from the airport… “wow, you’ve put on weight, I didn’t even recognize you”….. I was like a size bigger and it was from bulking up with soccer.. I got really involved in sports that year.

3. Little sister : “when you first came home and I saw you I thought you were disgusting. I would look at you and say to myself “stop eating, just stop.” (she tol me this after ten days of starvation) get and my mother were proud of me..

The list goes on…

I hate it all.

Maybe I’m so sad because here I am.. In this quiet apartment all alone to face my fears…

1. The fear of being the WORST single mom on the planet.

2. The fear of not being able to pay my bills on Starbucks salary.

3. The fear of letting binge beat me.

4. The fear of my insecurities swallowing me whole until I dont have the guts to walk back out my front door.

5. The fear of not being who I always thought I was… Strong.

All  I can do right now is sit..
And stare. 

At this closet full of clothes that are from my past, my present, meant for my future and they hold all this pain and memories. I can’t even fit into them, what the point of this insanely stupid collection of clothes.

Maybe I’m so sad because here I am.. In this quiet apartment all alone to face my fears…

1. The fear of being the WORST single mom on the planet.

2. The fear of not being able to pay my bills on Starbucks salary.

3. The fear of letting binge beat me.

4. The fear of my insecurities swallowing me whole until I dont have the guts to walk back out my front door.

5. The fear of not being who I always thought I was… Strong.

All I can do right now is sit..
And stare.

At this closet full of clothes that are from my past, my present, meant for my future and they hold all this pain and memories. I can’t even fit into them, what the point of this insanely stupid collection of clothes.

Ouch

Massive binge.

I can get through this.. This addiction won’t beat me… Right?

No matter how strong you become, how healthy, pretty, happy, in love, smart, rich you are there will always be bad days.

So embrace them.. and the sneak up on them and bitch slap the fuck out of that bad day by waking up better than you were yesterday :0)

No matter how strong you become, how healthy, pretty, happy, in love, smart, rich you are there will always be bad days.

So embrace them.. and the sneak up on them and bitch slap the fuck out of that bad day by waking up better than you were yesterday :0)